Too Many Games
On Games
One thing that I am sure that I share in common with many people is that I am finding it harder and harder to play all the video games that I want. I realize this is part of growing up and having a family, along with wanting to grow myself technically and professionally, plus do other things like this website and blog, but it is still something that is on my mind a lot. I think another part of it is that the industry has grown to such a degree that the amount of games that are of high quality are so numerous that it is near impossible to even try to keep up with the latest ones. This is including the fact that I don’t have a smart phone (I recently upgraded to a phone with a keyboard, which shows you how on top of the times I am). I also don’t play MMOs and try to avoid online games as well. I stick primarily to consoles with the occasional PC and I have a DSi that I will get a game for from time to time. It’s rare that I play the downloadable games for the consoles too. I only recently got a PS3 as well, but even before that I found it difficult to stay on top of things.
Why Games?
I think part of my issue is that I find games very interesting and always want to see what new things that developers are trying. I find them very interesting since the possibilities of what you can do with video games almost seems endless, though it can be easy to find limitations when you compare them to other forms of traditional media. But the new things that they allow for just makes my imagination go crazy with possibilities. Though whenever I sit down to think about a game I would like to make, 90% of time it is just a remake of an existing one that I enjoyed when I was a kid. But I suppose that is why I am a programmer and not a designer 🙂
Quantity vs Quality
So, basically, it has come to a point where I have to be very choosy about my games. While it is a bit sad, I need to reduce the amount of games that I play since I know I just won’t have the time to play all that I want and still keep up learning new things and other hobbies. On the other hand, there are so many great games out there that it means I really won’t have a bad experience if I pay attention to the reviews. And I hope that I will be able to devote more time to the good ones and actually enjoy myself a bit more while doing it. Since isn’t the point of playing games supposed to be fun? Now I hope to be able to slow down my pace a little more instead of just rushing to the end, since I am one of those who has a hard time stopping midway with a game (though some like Dragon Age: Origins I might play continuously off and on for over a year). And maybe this will mean that I might actually get to games that have been released recently, instead of my usual 6-8 month delay.
The Future
So one of the first things that I have done it really cleaned out my GameFly queue. Granted, it still probably needs another pass (or two) to reduce it to a more realistic level, already I feel a bit better. When the backlog is over 20 games (even if at least 5 of those haven’t been released yet) it really starts to get depressing looking at it, which is the opposite of what it should be. The same goes for Netflix, but I’m trying to stay on topic here. I’ve pretty much wiped out all future RPGs due to the time commitment involved (playing Fallout: New Vegas and Valkyria Chronicles will likely be more than sufficient for awhile). This means more action games and other shorter genres primarily for the time being, but I think it will be a good change of pace. It probably will be awhile before I really get some appreciation out of doing this, but I think it is a step in the right direction.
The Urge to Create
In the Beginning
I have always been a creator of sorts. Earliest memories of doing so would have to be when I was a little kid playing with Legos. Since I was an only child, I actually had an entire room devoted to just my toys, primarily of which were those little plastic building blocks. I would spend hours creating worlds and using my imagination with them. I later moved on to K’Nex (partially due to kittens using the box of Legos as a litter box), but the intent was the same. Other things I did were drawing, designing video game ideas, poetry, and teaching myself to program. There has always been a desire to create something, and I guess this blog and website are part of that.
Virtual Worlds
One of the things that I have always enjoyed about video games has always been the fact that I enjoy creating. While playing video games, you are creating your own experience and stories. While making them you create worlds and places for people to enjoy. As a graphics engineer I created tools and processes that would help bring artists’ visions to realization. So while my work was rarely seen directly, I was instrumental in bringing those games to life. And while I would love to be able to actually be the one who is creating the stuff that people will see (though I did have several programmatic effects like shadows and post effects that were mine, in a sense), I enjoy the challenge that is inherent in creating elegant tools. In fact, in my own projects, I think I will likely be approaching them with the idea of putting lots of time and effort into creating easy-to-use tools and playing around with those to create the game as opposed to just diving in and trying to pump out a game as quickly as possible. In fact, I am starting to believe that it is through great tools that great games are really made. But it will likely be quite some time before I can really put that theory to test.
This is probably a slightly verbose and roundabout way of saying that I enjoy creating things. In fact, I feel that I have an urge to create that is an essential part of my being. When I go a long time without creating stuff (even if it is my own head or just the experiences I get from playing in video games) I start to get into a funk and head towards depression. After being laid off from Robomodo, I put most of my time into finding a new job and didn’t put a lot of effort into working on things outside of that (other than studying up on techniques for interviews and the like). Even after landing a new position, I don’t think that it is quite fulfilling my need as much as being a games programmer does. Possibly because it is more of a research and exploration role than the pure development that I am used to. Which is one of the reasons why I started to give blogging another shot.
Creating in View
Because I am noticing that more and more web stuff is really starting to take off and it seems like most of the new technologies are web-centric, I decided to revive my old website (well, buy the domain again anyway). This gives me a chance to explore and create things using new technologies. I am also pushing myself to be more open and get over fears of criticism so that I don’t hold back so often. I’m not expecting anything ground-breaking, just a place where I can experiment a little and do some side projects. I don’t get a whole lot of time to work on anything and I tend to bounce around a lot between projects, so things will likely be updated in a semi-random manner. But it keeps me interested and helps me learn and refine my skills.
So I have come to realize that I am happiest when I am able to spend time creating things and this has always been a part of me. And I want to share the things that I have created with people and hopefully get feedback that will help me improve. Because maybe at some point I will figure out something that I really want to put the effort into or I’ll stumble upon an idea that I want to develop more. I have an urge to create that I feel I don’t want to neglect, and it would be my dream to make something that will make the world a slightly better place.