The Urge to Create
In the Beginning
I have always been a creator of sorts. Earliest memories of doing so would have to be when I was a little kid playing with Legos. Since I was an only child, I actually had an entire room devoted to just my toys, primarily of which were those little plastic building blocks. I would spend hours creating worlds and using my imagination with them. I later moved on to K’Nex (partially due to kittens using the box of Legos as a litter box), but the intent was the same. Other things I did were drawing, designing video game ideas, poetry, and teaching myself to program. There has always been a desire to create something, and I guess this blog and website are part of that.
Virtual Worlds
One of the things that I have always enjoyed about video games has always been the fact that I enjoy creating. While playing video games, you are creating your own experience and stories. While making them you create worlds and places for people to enjoy. As a graphics engineer I created tools and processes that would help bring artists’ visions to realization. So while my work was rarely seen directly, I was instrumental in bringing those games to life. And while I would love to be able to actually be the one who is creating the stuff that people will see (though I did have several programmatic effects like shadows and post effects that were mine, in a sense), I enjoy the challenge that is inherent in creating elegant tools. In fact, in my own projects, I think I will likely be approaching them with the idea of putting lots of time and effort into creating easy-to-use tools and playing around with those to create the game as opposed to just diving in and trying to pump out a game as quickly as possible. In fact, I am starting to believe that it is through great tools that great games are really made. But it will likely be quite some time before I can really put that theory to test.
This is probably a slightly verbose and roundabout way of saying that I enjoy creating things. In fact, I feel that I have an urge to create that is an essential part of my being. When I go a long time without creating stuff (even if it is my own head or just the experiences I get from playing in video games) I start to get into a funk and head towards depression. After being laid off from Robomodo, I put most of my time into finding a new job and didn’t put a lot of effort into working on things outside of that (other than studying up on techniques for interviews and the like). Even after landing a new position, I don’t think that it is quite fulfilling my need as much as being a games programmer does. Possibly because it is more of a research and exploration role than the pure development that I am used to. Which is one of the reasons why I started to give blogging another shot.
Creating in View
Because I am noticing that more and more web stuff is really starting to take off and it seems like most of the new technologies are web-centric, I decided to revive my old website (well, buy the domain again anyway). This gives me a chance to explore and create things using new technologies. I am also pushing myself to be more open and get over fears of criticism so that I don’t hold back so often. I’m not expecting anything ground-breaking, just a place where I can experiment a little and do some side projects. I don’t get a whole lot of time to work on anything and I tend to bounce around a lot between projects, so things will likely be updated in a semi-random manner. But it keeps me interested and helps me learn and refine my skills.
So I have come to realize that I am happiest when I am able to spend time creating things and this has always been a part of me. And I want to share the things that I have created with people and hopefully get feedback that will help me improve. Because maybe at some point I will figure out something that I really want to put the effort into or I’ll stumble upon an idea that I want to develop more. I have an urge to create that I feel I don’t want to neglect, and it would be my dream to make something that will make the world a slightly better place.
Starting this Blog
Why start this blog when I cannot really seem to be able to keep any of the various other blogs I have tried in the past updated? I’m not sure really. Perhaps it is because I am finally the owner instead of being on another site. Maybe I enjoy the thought of this being my place where I can post my thoughts and ideas.
Why put it up here instead of just keeping a journal to myself? Because I want to connect with people. I want to be able to pass along some of my ideas and thoughts and experiences to others. I also think being on the web gives it a little bit more of a permanence to it, even though it is just electrons and magnetic states in certain configurations. Plus I think it would be useful to be able to look back on it over time, and see where I have come from and how far along it has been.
I also want to use it to improve my writing and hopefully my speaking and presentation skills. I am somewhat shy and can be very quiet. In conversations with lots of people I tend to keep to myself. I can talk and discuss things at length if need be, but I prefer to watch and listen to the other people. I’ll speak up if I have something relevant to say, of course. So I think that this space can also be where I can speak my part.
This is just my tiny piece of the web. I can post stuff of my own creation and maybe some people will find it useful and informative (or at least entertaining). I view it as a playground for my imagination when I get the time to let it run around. Just a peek into my mind and what it is doing and maybe even how it operates. This is my little place to place my thoughts for those curious enough to read them.